Stepping In

Audio By Carbonatix

Fear and anxiety can often drive us to make decisions that aren’t best for us. They can lead us to do some things that we don’t actually want to do. Often, we want to do all we can to avoid negative feelings or situations. That avoidance typically causes us to experience more pain and hardship than addressing things head on would have. Maybe we turn to our go-to unhealthy coping mechanism or spend time brooding and replaying things over and over in our heads. If you immediately relate to this idea, I want to encourage you to dive right into the middle of that feeling.

Instead of talking hypothetically, I want to give an example of what I’m getting at here. You may have had a recent conflict or issue where you had a misunderstanding with your wife or child. In those moments, it can be tempting to step back rather than step in. It might be fear of escalating the problem or anxiety around how they are thinking of you in the middle of it all. As much as it might feel like stepping back is the better choice, I firmly believe that addressing these conflicts and misunderstandings head on is the only way to actually move the relationship forward. 

That doesn’t mean you have to have the full conversation right in that moment. It’s very possible that one or both parties will need some space and time to process their feelings. But if fear of the unknown outcomes or the awkwardness of the situation keeps you from having the conversation, then you’re setting yourself up for more pain down the road because conflicts and misunderstandings tend to fester when they’re not dealt with. Just like a little wood splinter in your finger, they can become agitated and very sensitive over time. Before you know it, that little, seemingly insignificant issue has turned into something that you can no longer ignore. 

This same principle applies to any conflict between you and another person. Instead of holding your frustration in and letting it slowly build as you add more “evidence” to back up the fact that you’ve been wronged, step in and have that uncomfortable conversation before things build even more. These little resentments can build up between family members, neighbors, co-workers, and friends. I believe that the fear of an awkward conversation and worry of being seen as too sensitive have done more damage to relationships than we’ll ever know. 

I give this advice knowing that I am somebody who is naturally more comfortable with conflict and confrontation than many other people. So, you might be reading and thinking, “Well, this article is definitely not going to work for me!” If that’s you, I want to encourage you to take these words to heart, even if it means that you start really small. Maybe you start off by addressing something in the moment that isn’t really too big of an issue, but it’s something you do have a preference about. Starting with something like that will hopefully help keep the emotional temperature of the conversation lower while still giving you the opportunity to express yourself and communicate your wants and needs. Over time, you’ll be able to build up the emotional stamina to address bigger and bigger issues. 

While it will probably be uncomfortable and scary, especially at first, facing these challenging situations head on will set you up to win more often at home.